How many times have you heard “wow, she bounced back”, “wow, she got her body back” after a woman has a baby? Well, folks, that is not me. And as much as I admire those women who do bounce back, I admire their hard work.. their genetics.. their discipline. That just wasn’t me with both of my pregnancies.

I want to share this because sometimes it can be disheartening to often see those extremely fit mothers who seem to have it all together and ABS! When you can actually see abs!!

Before kids and before IVF I was a gym junkie! I love working out, loved fueling my body with nutritious food. But I will be honest after having kids it has been so hard to get back into the swing of things. After Everly, I was 6 months postpartum before I really started working out again and that was with the help of a challenge to kick start. This picture below is the first challenge that I did after Everly. It was tracking Macros, working out A LOT, and some serious discipline.

Harlow is now 19 Months old (ALMOST 2!) and I just finished that same challenge 47 Day Transformation by Jeremy Scott because I was not getting back into shape on my own.

Being a mom of two in a pandemic has been challenging both physically and emotionally and when I am stressed… I stress snack. Anyone else with me!? I am talking about my kid's snacks like graham crackers, cheddar bunnies, chocolate.. you name it. I also forget to eat full meals when I am stressed because I am a go go go nonstop kind of person. I instead fill up on iced coffee because #momlife.

This past 47 Day Transformation I lost 3.5 pounds, but my biggest accomplishment was my mental well-being. I took the time and listened to my body. During this challenge, I acknowledged that since having two kids my mental state has declined. I seem to have anxiety, mood swings and am overall irritable. **Insert a global pandemic, which amplifies these feelings. My biggest deciding factor to talk to someone was that I had lost interest in working out or eating healthy. These are things that I was passionate about before and when you lose interest in things that you love, that is a sign of having postpartum depression. Mine may be on the low spectrum, but enough to know that it was affecting my day-to-day wellbeing and I wanted to change that.

Being stuck inside with two kids and minimal breaks can be hard on anyone and I finally accepted that I needed a little more to help. This was to benefit everyone, me, my husband, and my kids. I will update more after time has passed, but I am currently using 25mg of Zoloft and feel like this is helping me emotionally. I find myself sitting still more and appreciating the little things with my girls. In the past, I would usually be nonstop tackling the to-do list that I constantly made in my head. If you’re a mom reading this, I bet you can relate. Laundry, dishes, vacuum, mop, work, clean toys, shower, workout, cook, order groceries. There honestly isn’t enough time in the day it seems like.

The biggest hurdle for me was that I had to get past the feeling that I was a failure that I was needing something to help me. I instead focussed on the fact that this is only temporary. Maybe when normal life resumes, when I am back to playdates, socializing and just normalcy I won’t need this. If you are on the fence, talk to a doctor.. talk to a friend. You are not alone in this. It was a breakthrough when one of my best friends asked me if I think I have postpartum depression, I remember I started tearing up and thought wow. Yes, she is right!

How are you feeling? I am curious to hear because honestly this year has been a very heavy one.

Here are some things to look for if you think you may be experiencing PPD or know of someone that may have postpartum depression. I found this information on mayoclinic.org.

People may experience: Mood: anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or panic attack

Also common: insomnia or repeatedly going over thoughts

I am so happy that I took the time to focus on my mental well-being, I hope to only inspire other women to do the same or simply let them know that they are not alone.